greatexpectations | zari tomaz

While Zari was feeling a little unwanted by some of the other members of the team, the real goal of staying in the totem was to take advantage of all the things that she's generally not allowed to eat if she wants to keep her svelte figure. Doughnuts, pizza, pie, all of Nasreen's delicious food she usually makes for Eid - she's having the time of her life, and no one can judge her.

She honestly expected the other Zari to be gone a lot longer, but she heard the fight with Nate. A complicated swirl of feelings swells from her gut as she tries to figure out what to do here.

"Really? Already?" Zari pouts. "Has the honeymoon phase ended already?"

And then Fancy Zari looks perfectly fine. Is she projecting or being an overprotective sister/twin/alter?? Not all Zaris have to be in a state of lowkey misery from living in the worst timeline, she supposes.

Zari lets out a simple huh before stiffening at being effectively called out. "What? No." Sometimes she really hates they're kind of the same person. There's no hiding from Z. She finds a spot on the couch to start stealing food from herself. "Okay so maybe things are a little complicated out in the real world." She admits while stress eating like a pro.

She wouldn't have thought that things would be that complicated on the Wave Rider, given that it's what Zari used to do before, and the crew seems to prefer her, in some instances. It's a complicated knot of feelings that she's still trying to unwind.

She misses her brother. She misses John. But she doesn't miss the way it feels like she's the second choice now. It's reminiscent of how she's felt her entire life since Behrad was born and took his place as the only son.

She kind of hates it.

But, if they're going to stress eat together, she might as well get the dish. "Do tell."

"Okay so full disclosure: Nate and I weren't exactly dating for long before I found the loophole to save Behrad, our parents, and accidentally make you. In fact, it was more like a date, hatching a dragon egg, and fooling around. No complaints about that last part." She notes with a smirk. They both share a healthy sexual appetite it seems once their lives aren't trauma city.

"We've been friends for a while before that so makes everything... bigger. Add on the fact we're constantly being pulled apart..." She is talking in circles. Annoyingly, Zari knows it. She sucks at feelings. Unlike her cool and fancy self, she isn't the most eloquent speaker outside sometimes having a few good insights from growing up in the worst timeline. It's hard to put what she feels into words.

"I don't think he needs me." She blurts out. "I'm starting to wonder what we're fighting to hang onto. Great I'm there to see him and apparently ruin John's life by keeping you away from him." Which stings in a different way. John used to be a friend of hers so it sucks he feels this way towards her now. On top of that, she doesn't see that same need in Nate's eyes. It doesn't even occur to her that maybe Nate is better at hiding his big feelings than John is.

"There's no future for us. I can never give Dot her grandbabies with our awesome childbearing hips because I technically don't exist. I can't..." Her voice hitches. "Baba and Maman don't even know me so what I am doing? I don't know anymore." She takes breath here to look at her other self with glassy eyes and half a donut quickly being stuffed in her mouth. This is why she's not the fancy Zari. She is getting crumbs all over herself as they speak.

"First of all, you may not see it but I have had to deal with him being a mopey, pouty mess for months."

Which was uncomfortable at first, but the two of them worked through it. She knows how much he cares for the other her, and how much he does need her. So misconception number one struck down. She's willing to bet that the only reason he wasn't with her is because, well, she was there.

It's not obvious that you need something when you have it.

The second point is a bigger concern, because it's not a misconception she can correct. As much as she wishes it were true, that the other Zari could have that life, they both know what the cost would be of the two of them trying to live in the world side by side.

The cost is Behrad, and it's not a cost either of them are willing to pay.

"Baba and Maman aren't exactly our biggest fan." She sighs as she runs a hand through her hair. "I mean, they love us, sure, but ... they don't necessarily approve of our life choices." Though maybe they would have liked non-fancy Zari's tech focus. STEM daughters are in.

It actually raises her hopes to hear that he was a mess. Maybe... okay that probably makes her a bad person, Zari thinks. She wants desperately to be valued by Nate. She knows the rest is an impossible wish. Zari wouldn't take back her sacrifice for anything. She knows she is fortunate to have this much: a relationship with Behrad and her other self; getting to see her friends again. She could have slipped away into the ether the way her Behrad seems to have. She would have accepted that fate to atone for her perceived failures.

What she can't abide by is hearing anyone much less this version of her parents not value her other self. She stops eating long enough to do a double-take. That has to be the most insane thing she's ever heard. She found out in a happier life she'd be an influencer that John Constantine is totally fixated on.

"Hang on... they get pretty-princess-slash-genius Zari and they're still not happy?" She snorts at how ridiculous that is. Not that her parents approved of how Behrad and Zari fought back against their oppressors, but she would never say her parents weren't their biggest fans or even think it. Zari knows she gave Maman especially a hard time about preserving their faith and culture and still wouldn't go there. It's disappointing as it is expected. People take their loved ones for granted when they're not at risk of getting shot dead or stolen away to be tortured on daily basis.

She reaches out to pat her other self's arm. "Well I'm happy. I think it's cool the way you make all that stuff and help people feel good about themselves." She may not get Z's whole deal, but she admires it.

Her chin lifts at that, clearly pleased that other Zari appreciates her, even if her parents don't. She's not even sure if it's that they take her for granted so much as seeing what she does as frivolous. Vapid. Numerous other words that coincide with how fake her world used to be.

"Thank you."

Then she shrugs as she relaxes, because if they're appreciating each other, than she's got some pieces of her own to share.

"Though I'm sure your life is much less exhausting. You don't have to think about how every little thing you do will be perceived. When you have hundreds of thousands of eyes on you all the time ... I think sometimes you forget how to be yourself. Your life becomes your image and I think Maman and Baba never really liked the person that I was when I was 'working.'" A beat. "Then again, B never really did either."

Even the sound of Fancy Zari's life makes her want to break out in hives. She doesn't bother hiding her disgust the thought of thousands gawking at her. "It's less exhausting these days." She admits dryly. No one wants a reminder of the horror show her life used to be. It's easier to gloss over how there's nothing easy about living in her future.

She listens quietly to the rest. As the ancestor here, Zari supposes it's her job to guide her other self to a better relationship with the family. Time to take a stab in the dark. "You two seem cool now. Maybe you just need to see them away from your job." She suggests mildly.

"Maybe." She takes a breath, resting her chin on her knees. "I am trying to make an effort. And honestly, I think being a superhero on the side has been kind of good for me. Maybe not for my brand, but good for me."

Then she pauses as she runs a hand through her hair. "But this was B's thing first. And sometimes I'm not really sure if he wants me tagging along."

She listens as Zari talks through all of this. That is until she reaches the part about Behrad. Flannel Zari can't help snorting at that. This is something she definitely has perspective on. "He's our little brother. He wants you to tag along." She fidgets with her hands while trying to think of the right way to explain.

"Look, I don't know what things were like for you two growing up. My Behrad always wanted me there to tell stories or help him with his plans to stop ARGUS. I don't think this Behrad is any different. He just never..." She pauses here. Things are so much better now sometimes it feels dangerous to mention the times they weren't. She's an ancestor now so that means guiding the current totem bearers as best she can. "He doesn't have to worry anyone will take you away." She explains or rather forces out of her mouth. "He can afford to be subtle."

Subtlety is overrated, in Zari's opinion, but she can get where Flannel Zari is coming from.

"We just haven't always been on the best of terms. He never really liked my career." Not that she had much of a choice in either. Dragon Girl never got to be just another person in the world again, and at some point Behrad didn't like the person she had to become to survive. "But I haven't always been a peach to deal with either."

zari tomaz | dctv

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