greatexpectations | but my soul is just a whisper trapped inside a tornado

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but my soul is just a whisper trapped inside a tornado

She wanted to fit in. It was so ridiculously dumb. Kamala never needed to before her life went crazy. Sure, she wanted people to like her. It was never a huge priority. She'd been content enough with what she had and the fantasies that swum around that silly head of hers.

Abu died... No, he was killed. People said he had it coming. They called him a traitor; a terrorist. People treated her differently. Not bad or good really. They just kept her at arm's length like she had some kind of disease they didn't want to catch. No new friends or easy acquaintances. It bothered her even when it shouldn't. Anyone who believed her Abu was any of those things wasn't worth her time. It got lonely after a while. She's only human.

Kamala thought maybe, just maybe, if she compromised herself a little things would go back to normal. She'd been just fooling herself. Even after sneaking out to the party, they still treated her different. It was almost like compromising herself gave them permission to say every nasty thing they ever thought of about her way of life under the pretense of being honest. The cheap alcohol helps like that. The jabs about her curfew and diet sting, but their take on how much it must suck to be her father's daughter when she's obviously not like him at all are too much to bear.

Kamala leaves the crowd in disgust with them, but mostly herself. She wanted approval of people who couldn't make it any more clear how much they looked down on her. What was she thinking?

While Kamala goes through that teen angst, she's blissfully unaware her bff Bruno has already called her mother and brother to effectively tattle. What else could he do after losing Kamala at a party she definitely wasn't allowed to be at? Maybe Yusuf wouldn't listen in on a call from the troubled kid they once took in. It might be something with Bruno's family he's in no position to help with. His wife frantically calling other people immediately after raises red flags. He listens in on Muneeba frantically trying to figure out if Kamala is heading to Nakia's since her calls to Kamala aren't going through.

It's worrying but, not a life or death emergency. He doesn't need to send Frank to look for Kamala. She'll go home. He knows his daughter. Things quickly get more complicated. The news breaks in with a special report and Yusuf's heart drops as he listens. Even if they're not saying where this is taking place or even really what's happening, he knows as a parent that something is very wrong. He knows Kamala is involved in whatever they're not saying. Residents reporting a crash, a sudden fog.....

That's when Pete gets the call from Muneeba in a panic. Kamala is missing. Something crashed into the river and released some kind of gas into the neighborhood her daughter is wandering around in. He needs to find her before Aamir stops praying long enough to notice what's going on.

It isn't an easy task. The mist has made it hard to see more than a few feet in front of you. There are drunk teenagers screaming and running through the streets.....and something straight out of a horror flick on the sidewalk. A strange blue pod shaped like an egg is sitting at five feet tall in the middle of the sidewalk. If that isn't disturbing enough, the outline of a person can be seen inside. Even if the features are hard to make out, that bright yellow lightening bolt on Kamala's jacket still sticks out in the sludge.

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He's already halfway out the door when Muneeba calls, and he's glad because he can't deal with Yusuf's piercing gaze when his wife calls. This whole arrangement is so wrong, but he won't let this family lose like he did. He can't. There are no words to say so he doesn't say any before leaving, knowing time is of the essence and placating his partner in crime really wasn't in the job description. Though, neither is comforting his wife, and he's trying to do that while on the move anyway.

"I'm not far from there. Hang tight, I'll get her home." Frank hangs up on her so he can focus up, it isn't hard to find the source of the panic with that weird fog spilling out onto the streets. Could it be a biological weapon? He keeps his breathing thin, holding his denim jacket over his nose and mouth as he trudges on. What's a little poison inhalation when Kamala is counting on him, right? But as he carries on, the fog starts to dissipate and the streets more and more desolate. He's thinking about Lisa, about how she never lived to sneak out to her first party. She would've been so much trouble, too, he knows. Nothing like Kamala, who's usually such a good girl.

He stops dead in his tracks, forgetting he's not supposed to be breathing too deep when he sees her. That is her, right? Though every instinct in his body wants him to run the other way, he runs towards the horror, all too used to ignoring his survival gene by now. He's breathing heavily by the time he reaches her, and he doesn't have time to hesitate, trying to shake her loose and when that doesn't work attempting to break through the blue membrane to free her. He can think about how colossally fucked up this is after she doesn't suffocate in there.

She'll give this cocoon thing some credit: the weird dream really does help her cope with the rapid changes in her body. Kamala dreams with her top three heroes. They talk to her about what happened. It's weirdly productive for what she thinks is a drunk hallucination.

(Kamala, the innocent of the two Khan kids, would think a watered down drink she immediately spit out would get her drunk.)

It's short as far as dreams go. She decides she wants to be Captain Marvel and that apparently all it takes. The world starts to shake around her. Kamala suddenly becomes uncomfortably aware she's trapped in a dark, small place and that someone is trying to get her out. She latches onto that hope with both hands. "Help!!" She smashes her fist against something to aid whoever is here. "Help me!"

She's actually not sure which one of them gets the cocoon open. It suddenly breaks like glass around her. Kamala latches onto the steady presence of whoever.... oh. It's Pete. Of course it's Pete. The pieces of cocoon fall harmless off her onto the ground around them.

Kamala looks up at him with bright (very blue) eyes. She's about to thank him and ramble about the weird dream she just had when she notices the hands gripping his layers of jacket don't look right. She wasn't wearing black gloves when she left the house. Kamala suddenly lets go, look down at herself in a slow-moving horror. She finds herself in a black swimsuit with a lightening bolt on it. The giant red sash is tied around her waste and yes, she's wearing those giant wedge boots she admired so much. Even weirder... her skin is pale and ridiculously long blond hair is flowing around her. It's hers.

"Is it too late to change my mind?" She asks to a hallucination that's no longer there. At least her voice sounds the same.

He stumbles back when the pod shatters around them, eyes wide and scared. Though he hasn't even had one drink, he feels drunk too as this takes place in front of him. Did she just...? Frank's head is on a swivel, but they're alone on the street, eerily so. And despite her looking like an adult white woman - one he only vaguely recognizes from the news - that voice is all Kamala. He would know it anywhere, as if she were his own. With that realization, his grip tightens on her shoulders, leveling her with a serious gaze if still a little spooked.

"You hurt? What happened?" He wants to be mad at her for scaring him, but that will come later, no doubt.

That tight grip on her shoulders grounds Kamala. She meets his gaze. Somehow the look of a guilty kid comes through an adult woman's face. It's unsettling even to Kamala. "I screwed up, Pete." She has to break off eye contact. It's too intense while she feels so unsteady. "I just wanted people to like me and now everything is super out of control and...." Kamala's frame shakes violently. "I think I'm going to puke." She breaks away long enough to double over. She retches, but instead of vomiting her form destabilizes. For a second it's like she's half Kamala and someone else before her true self wins that one.

Kamala stares down at her brown hands and normal clothes with open relief. "Okay, okay. I think I'm okay. Let's just..." And just like that she's back retching. Her form shifts violently from blond to brown hair, white to dark skin, different costumes Captain Marvel has worn until Kamala forces herself to her feet and simply runs towards the river. As if anyone could outrun themselves.

Frank lets her ramble, knowing from experience it's better to just let her go in these situations. Well, not this exact one, which is clearly unique unto itself. When she mentions puking, he lets go abruptly, watching in horrified fascination as she seems to blink in and out of her own body. They really need to get the hell out of this city.

He opens his mouth to say something - anything - when she takes off and it's all he can do not to throw something at her. He still might.

"Kam, wait! Where the hell are you going?!" He takes off after her, breathing harshly by the time they reach the water.

Kamala is more calm by comparison. Her form has finally stabilized back to her true self. She wraps her arms around herself as she watches the mist swirl against the water. Helicopters are in the distance. She's pretty sure a superhero is doing a fly through to wherever they're filming.

Kamala seems so lost in her thoughts that she doesn't even notice the adult she ditched caught up with her. Once she does, she sends another apologetic glance his way. "Sorry, I know you can't literally outrun your problems." She still tried. Kamala swallows harshly and asks, "That was real, wasn't it? Someone didn't put something weird in my drink? I spit it out, but it still touched my tongue and stuff."

He thinks about that, hands in his pockets as he slowly catches his breath, watching the swirl. It's almost pretty in a way.

"You had a drink?" he asks, one side of his mouth twitching up as he nods to the retreating fog. Teenaged rebellion never changes, does it? "Here I was thinking it had somethin' to do with that creepy stuff." He might be a novice when it comes to all this super nonsense, but last time he checked you can't roofie someone into a shapeshifting pod.

Kamala freaks out naturally. She tends to be defensive like all kids from strict households. "Accidentally! I just took whatever they gave me!" Which is exactly why someone like her has a curfew. Kamala is painfully naive whether she wants to accept it or not. She snaps her fingers as something occurs to her while staring out at the mist. "Oh God this is totally an origin story! I better not turn out to be some secret alien princess or something. We all know I'm too pretty to be related to Aamir." She jokes even as she wonders how all of this is possible. Kamala knows she's nothing special. Why would someone like her start manifesting powers out of nowhere? Clearly it's not everyone since Frank seems to be perfectly fine.

She groans dramatically. Her head hurts. "At least no one died. Someone usually dies in these stories so heroes learn responsibility and all that." Hopefully that isn't foreshadowing anything.

"It's okay, I wasn't gonna tell." He's still hopelessly bemused by her, again finding it more expeditious to just let her talk herself out. But then she's talking about dying and he really can't tolerate that line of conversation for obvious reasons, reaching out for her arm. "Come on, let's get you back. I promised your ma." And her dad, as it happens.

"Yeah, okay." Kamala agrees easily. This has been weird. Like so weird. She knows if Pete is here it's because Ammi sent him. She's probably worried sick. Kamala barely makes it a step before she hears the telltale sound of teenage laughter down further into the docks. Her body responds immediately by giving her yet another alternate Captain Marvel costume. Kamala couldn't be more annoyed by it. "Ugh Zoe Zimmerman. It's now literally physically impossible to be myself around her. She just makes me feel so...." Right on cue she shrinks to the size of an insect. She hates her life. She really, really hates her life.

Kamala doesn't get to feel sorry for herself for long. Two drunk teens messing around by the water is going to end in disaster. There's a loud crash and followed by idiot teens screaming at each other. Kamala feels her stomach drop. Just like that it doesn't matter that Zoe makes her feel miserable. She sees Abu sitting on the couch with her while they watch the news together. She hears what he would say when things got bad. She knows exactly what she has to.

"emBiggen!" Kamala is back to full size, ditching Pete again, and going back to classic Ms. Marvel as she races off to rescue a girl who has brought her nothing, but heartache. The rest passes by in a blur. She stops Josh from jumping in to save his girlfriend while wasted out of his mind, pulls Zoey out of the water with a freakishly big hand, and dashing off when the other drunk teens start asking for autographs.

Kamala goes back to where she ditched Pete and smiles meekly. She's dragging her giant arm behind her because this night isn't getting any easier. "This time we can go home. For reals." She glances down at her enlarged limb with a sigh. "Disembiggen?" She asks her arm hopefully. It shrinks back down on cue. Too bad she's still a white woman with a super inappropriate outfit. "Nice. Okay. Super for realsies!" God she hopes Pete doesn't hate her by now. The truth is Kamala doesn't feel guilty at all. Saving Zoe makes her feel better than she has in ages. That doesn't mean Kamala misses just how hard she's made this for Pete.

He opens his mouth as he waits for some wisdom about bullies to come to him when Kamala straight up disappears. He looks all over in a panic before he manages to spot her - she's the size of a pea. What the...? Then he hears the splash, his own danger senses pinging wildly as he turns to try and get a read on the scene. Before he can do anything, Kamala springs into action again. This is getting pretty old already, but he knows she can't just let her classmate drown either. She's not built like that, and neither is he.

Frank sprints after her, but it's worthless, the whole scene over in a few very bizarre minutes. He's still trying to pick his jaw up off the ground when she catches back up to him, still looking like Carol even after all that. His phone won't stop vibrating and he sighs when he sees fifty missed calls from Yusuf. This really isn't his night, is it? He turns off the burner and offers Kamala a soft smile instead, pulling his beanie down and his hood up in preparation.

"Maybe... let's take a walk first." He can't bring her back to her mother looking like this, he's pretty sure she just needs to cool down. He nods back towards the neighborhood they came from, even eerier somehow now that the fog's rolled out and it remains completely desolate. Maybe he needed to let off some steam too, because after a block he starts feeling his shoulders start to come down from around his ears, full breaths drawing into his lungs before exiting slowly and calmly. He's seen a lot of fucked up shit in his time, he'll deal with this the same way he does everything else: by shoving it into a place too deep to go.

He gets no argument from Kamala. She nods meekly and falls into step with him. Her hands go over her chest in a weak attempt at modesty. It's hard not to feel exposed in this. Frank's outfit really drives home just how bare she is by comparison. It's hard not to focus on the difference between them.

"I thought if I had awesome hair and a cool, impractical outfit, I'd be happy." Kamala confesses as she picks at chunk of blond hair. She frowns deeply at it. "It just gets in my face, these boots pinch, and I'm pretty sure superheroes don't wear underwear at this point. It's actually really gross." And spoils the illusion for now.

She glances up at him, eyes brown and wet even if the rest of her has yet to revert back. "Between us? The only thing that made happy was saving Zoe even though she's awful to me all the time." She smiles sadly even as excitement creeps into her voice. Only Kamala can manage to sound sad and thrilled all at once and so fiercely. "I could hear Abu's voice! I just knew everything I had to do! It was like we were together again! Everything just made so much sense!"

She laughs, wiping at her face. She knows she's crying. She knows she sounds insane. Her dead father helped her control her new powers long enough to save a life? That can't be real. It felt that way. Every second of that feeling was precious to her. "I was so happy... Why did it have to end?" She knows it's a cruel thing to ask. Sometimes it feels like Pete, guy she barely knows, is the only she can be honest with. It slipped out.

He snorts at her commentary, Kamala really is one of a kind. Seeing her eyes in someone else's face is disturbing enough, but he's almost getting used to the weirdness. Until that comes out of her mouth. At first, he thinks he somehow fucked up before he realizes what she means. It's like how he can hear Maria when things get hard and he swallows dryly a moment, all evidence of mirth gone from his face.

"You know, he's... he's always with you, right?" Jesus, why did she have to cry? He clears his throat, trying not to fall into that trap again even as his own gaze turns misty. "And he's- he'd be really proud of you, sweetheart."

That is exactly what she needs to hear. Kamala's body responds immediately, shifting back to its normal state gently in sharp contrast to earlier. She'll piece together later why. Self-acceptance and love is the key to controlling the chaos that's been unleashed inside her. For right now, Kamala looks relieved. Frank gave her the final piece of a puzzle she's desperately been trying to be put together since her father's death. Who should she be in the wake of all that? "Yeah... I think he would be. He used to say that people who ran to help others were blessed. He really admired them."

Kamala smiles gently at the memory of him. It doesn't hurt so much for a change. "I shouldn't be so worried about what they think. They suck. I should be someone he would admire." Her smile turns confident. Kamala wipes her eyes and probably wants to give some heroic speech, but instead her stomach loudly grumbles and she sees double. Kamala stops walking for a second as she works to steady herself. "After I eat something. I'm seriously starving! Can we stop for gyros or something?"

He watches in idle fascination when she shapeshifts back into herself, not calling attention to it in case that somehow reverses the process. Instead, he knocks his elbow into hers as he turns around, heading back towards the house. Frank is glad she got the lesson out of whatever nonsense he said because he isn't sure what to say to the rest. Maybe that's why Micro fixates on him, but that's not for him to analyze now. He's already staring down the barrel of crying himself to sleep again so what difference does it make?

Frank opens his mouth to deny her request outright, but his thoughts are interrupted by that loud tummy growl. He laughs instead, hoping Muneeba won't be too pissed with him when she finds out. "Fine, yeah. You earned it, hero." A dad joke and a tease all wrapped into one, he's outdone himself this time.

"Yay!" Kamala gently punches him in the arm for the joke. She can't let that go unpunished!! It was too cheesy!! She latches onto his arm a second later both to steady herself and as a hug. He really has made her feel better. She's as clingy as ever. There's no other way to show her appreciation.

She walks a few seconds more in silence before requesting softly. "Hey, Pete? Don't tell Ammi about this, okay? I don't want her to be scared." She doesn't think she needs to explain why between the dead husband and angry son why it might be distressing to have her only daughter suddenly manifesting weird abilities.

He rubs at his arm like she hurt him when they both know she didn't, same as always. Though her request gets a snort out of him soon after.

"Way ahead of you, sweetheart. Not sure how I'd explain any of that anyway."

"That's right! We're going to sound crazy if we tell anyone about this." Kamala notes chipperly. She finally lets his arm go and pumps up her fists. She's taking the whole mysterious powers thing in stride. Classic Kamala. "This is great! We have our first secret. Every good friendship is built on having one."

Frank shakes his head, not sure why he's surprised she's unfazed by this. Sometimes he thinks his toughest unit had nothing on Kamala Khan, and honestly, he's probably not far off.

"Uh, okay... but can we not call it a secret? To give us both plausible deniability." He lifts his eyebrows as he holds the door open to the pita place for Kam to duck in under his arm.

She never fails to disappoint. Kamala ducks under his arm like an excited puppy after its favorite treat. Really it's fairly accurate. She's as endlessly hungry as one too now. Thanks, superpowers! "Kay, but what do we call it? That thing we never talk about with Ammi? Fight Club?" Kamala questions before staring at the meat ahead of them like she's ready to jump over the counter to get it.

She just barely reigns it long enough to announce: "I'll take three #3s. Like as soon as possible. Can I get a sample too? Is that a thing here?" She'll just ignore them staring at her like she's either high or crazy. Maybe both.

"All of the above," he manages to get in under the wire before she's off. He doesn't seem fazed by her request, well, she did say she was hungry. When the guys behind the counter continue to stare at her, Frank snaps angrily to get their attention.

"You heard the lady. Two samples of the lamb, and I want a sausage and pepper on Italian." He starts thumbing through bills while sneering at them like a rabid dog. It seems to do the trick, watching them spring into action.

Kamala glances over at him with wonder. What a scary look! It's effective since she has that lamb at light speed. She practically inhales the first bite. The teenager has enough manners to offer up some kind of compliment between bites. "Good thing you only use your scary looks for good." She comments sweetly. "I'll go grab us a booth."

Her comment startles a dry laugh up the back of his throat, giving a little shrug in thanks to the man behind the counter once he has his lamb in hand. He's honestly pretty pumped to see if Kam can eat all of those sandwiches, maybe he'll time her. After a minute, he remembers himself, pulling out his burner phone to T9 a reassurance back to Yusuf before the guy gets any insane ideas of coming out into the open. It's hard to placate a supergenius without any specifics, but he does his best and by the time he's done their food is ready.

Frank slams a tray down with their meal and hands her a coke he grabbed out of the cooler before cracking open his own. "Alright, let's see it. I vouched for you." He gestures for her to dig in first while taking a sip.

She is ready to jump Pete for the food with zero regrets. Kamala holds it back long enough to take the soda and offer sincere thanks. "Thank you for the food!" Then it's all bets off. She downs half the soda in one go before moving onto the sandwiches. It's a little like watching a professional eater minus the water breaks. Kamala goes at it like she hasn't eaten in a week.

The only pause she'll take is to drink some more coke and move onto the next sandwich.

He drinks his soda and leans back, transfixed by the scene before him. She definitely hadn't been exaggerating about how hungry she was.

"Good to know I can take your word for stuff from now on." Frank lifts an eyebrow and unwraps his sandwich, figuring he can take his time here.

It isn't until she hits the third sandwich that Kamala finally slows down. She's finally feeling better. It's like she can properly breathe again. Kam might have relaxed then and there if not for that comment. "Duh! I always tell you the truth, Pete." The teen states like it's obvious. It isn't even really that she lies to her friends or family. He's just easier to talk to about all the stuff she buries deep. That's all.

Frank's gaze softens a little at that, though he quickly tears his eyes away to focus on his food, taking that first most satisfying bite. It's been a while since he's eaten anything but ramen noodles and the occasional pizza so this is a welcome change, and the company isn't bad either.

"You can, you know," he says suddenly with his mouth full. He had always been bad at this stuff, but if she trusts him shouldn't he help? Even when he knows what he should be doing is distancing himself as much as possible. "I'm good at secrets." Too good, sometimes.

That gets Kamala to slow her chewing for a minute. He really means that. It's weird how much that means to her... right? Kamala can never be sure. Grief is a weird thing when your father dies a hero to you, but a terrorist to others. "You know you're really cool for a guy who hits cars with his face." Somehow that's a sincere compliment coming from Kamala.

She rinses her food down with some coke and adds, "Thanks for coming to look for me. I really needed a friend." She resumes stuffing her face. It is embarrassing to admit the grown man your Ammi hit with a car is a being better friend than your supposed best friend. Sometimes you need to screw up without getting told on and yelled at. Kamala didn't need his help knowing she was being an idiot. It was obvious ten minutes in.

He takes another bite and immediately regrets it when she makes him laugh, and then he's halfway choking on his sandwich. "It runs in the family, trying to kill me." Frank pounds on his chest with a fist to try and stop coughing, taking a measured sip of his soda a second later.

"What happened at the party, Kam?" he asks once he's sobered, leaning back against the booth. "Before all the... fog."

Kamala cracks a smile at his joke. She's reasonably sure he won't choke to death. They can laugh about it! Her expression hardens at the question. That should say it all. Despite everything, she's generally a pretty positive kid. She's not one to go stony all the sudden. "Dumb stuff." She starts unhelpfully. It doesn't take long for Kamala to start opening up if only because she does trust Pete. "They thought because I went to their stupid party that I was admitting they were basically right about everything." She sets down what little is left of her sandwich and looks down at the table. She doesn't want to see his face when she recounts the whole thing. Obviously a middle-aged man has no idea what dumb high school kids say to each other when they're drunk.

"That my religious beliefs are backwards, I smell like curry, making sure I remember everyone thinks Abu is a terrorist and they're low-key happy he's dead, and obviously Aamir keeps me locked in the house all day because Muslims are super oppressive and medieval. Did I mention that one before? Because Zoe was really set on that. Bruno threw a fit about me being unsafe at the party and just made everything worse." Her voice cracks a little, but she keeps going. Kamala needs to get this off her chest to someone who isn't a hallucination.

"I wanted to think Zoe just said dumb things sometimes, but Nakia was right. All it took was one gross drink for her to spill out every awful thought she ever had about me without the pretense of being concerned. I was stupid for wanting anything to do with them. They're all like her. She just has the guts to say all that stuff out loud."

Frank knows her well enough by now to just wait her out. It doesn't take long for him to be proven right. He gives an extra few seconds pass to make sure she's said everything she wants to say before lacing his fingers on the table and leaning towards her, food forgotten for now.

"Look, Kam... I don't have all the answers, I know you're smart enough to know that. But I do know you can't waste your time on people who don't understand you, or at least try. Not everyone is like Zoe, just... most." He's smiling by the end of it, hoping she will be too.

Kamala nods. He makes a lot of sense as usual. She already learned this lesson the hard way tonight. "Yeah, I know. My hallucination of Captain Marvel already covered that one." Even so it's good to be validated by an adult she trusts.

Kamala quickly smiles, feeling more at ease. Zoe sucks, but hey at least she isn't dead. "Hey, at least I got gyros out of it and an awesome story we can never talk about with anyone else." With that, she'll go back to finishing this sandwich off.

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but my soul is just a whisper trapped inside a tornado

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