greatexpectations | I trained myself to give up on the past

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I trained myself to give up on the past

The situation with AIM was bad enough. He didn't even hear about it until a week after the fact, Steve was (suspiciously) busy with his work at SHIELD. Much of it was additional training in just about everything imaginable (computers, fighting, everything a modern soldier needs to know in order to be effective in the field would be the short of it) but, of course the field tests just happened to take place during that mess. He's cleared by the time news of Tony's surgery comes up. It would be a lie to say he isn't tempted to say it's none of his business and call it a day. Tony clearly doesn't need him if the situation with the Mandarin is any indication. Major surgery applies even more so.

Something nags at him to at least try so on a whim he goes for it. He takes a few sick days and heads out to the hospital where Natasha says he's recovering. Truth be told, he doesn't know what he's doing. It couldn't be more clear when he actually gets there. How exactly is he going to get into a hospital holding a celebrity? No one in their right mind will buy his ID is real. He's not sure it's wise to break in given what Tony has been through lately. Eventually it dawns on him he still has the man's card from after the Battle of New York.

He frantically punches in numbers into his new cell and waits the phone to ring. Hopefully the number still works after all these months.

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The phone's shrill ring wakes him out of his morphine state and he groans, reaching for it blindly and nearly knocking it off the table. There's no nurse around so he figures out enough of what's going on to get the thing into his hand and hit the button. If he weren't so high he would have remembered the audio function. "...Mrrr?" It's about the best he can do right now, sorry. He didn't even have a chance to look at the caller ID.

"Stark?" Steve can't keep the concern out of his voice. He thinks he made a mistake calling given how the other man responded. There's no correcting it now though. "It's Steve Rogers. You know from New York? Are you up for visitors?"

"..." There's a long silence. He thinks he's being crank called for a second, and the pain meds are making him loopy. He laughs, a bark of something hysterical before he cuts it off. "Capsicle? Is that really you?" He hasn't seen him in... what, 18 months? It's baffling to even hear his voice.

"You don't want to see me. I'm... high." Tony shakes his head, frowning down at his phone and putting it on speaker. He had meant to end that sentence a different way, but he's still completely blown away that this is happening at all. "Wait, I get it... This is a dream." Solved it. He really is a genius.

He has absolutely no idea what to do with this at first. He wonders if he should be offended by all the laughing until Tony explains it. He can instantly relate. After all, the stuff he took for his various illnesses made him act funny more than once. "It's really me and this isn't a dream. I held onto your card." Like that explains everything. Steve realizes his mistake and just skips to the point. "Sorry, I shouldn't have dropped in like this. I'll let you go. Just wanted to wish you luck with your recovery. Give me a call if you're ever in DC." He lingers for what he expects to be a completely incoherent reply.

"So, you're not coming?" He tries not to sound let down, but a little disappointment leaks into his tone all the same. But Steve held onto his card -- that had to mean something, right? "You didn't--drop in. You called. Which was, like, nice and thoughtful and shit. So I appreciate that." Especially since no one ever just calls him up out of the blue, let alone when he's bored out of his mind in a hospital bed.

His disappointment stings Steve. He doesn't think Tony particularly likes him. He does remember what it's like to be lonely while recovering. He chalks it up to that and feels even more sympathetic as a result. "Well that's not entirely accurate, Stark. I'm actually standing outside the hospital building so technically I did drop in on you." Just to be clear.

Steve clarifies further a moment later, "I thought I'd call in and ask if it's okay to come inside, but it doesn't seem like you can handle it. I still have three more days off so maybe I can come back tomorrow or the next day if you're up for it."

"What? You're here?" Tony struggles to sit up, grunting when he goes too fast. "Don't make me come out there and get you." Not that he'd ever make it, but he sounds serious. The fuck, man?

"You had a major surgery. I thought I should check in." He sounds tad defensive. What about this is so unbelievable? You know other than the part where he didn't show up before all this. He feels like a jerk despite the fact he had no way of knowing at the time what had happened to Stark and Potts.

"But, alright. I'll head inside. If I can't get in the way everyone else does... try not to freak out if someone taps on the window." Because yeah Tony does sound serious. He's not risking that one. He'll parkour his way inside like a true American hero who hangs out with Black Widow too much.

"Or I could... Nah, never mind. Your way sounds more fun. See you soon, bud. ...Oh yeah, Room 203." He hangs up and sets his phone down on the bed, leaning against his pillows and turning his head towards the window. He smiles softly and nods off still sitting up and waiting.

Steve stares down at his phone and sighs. "Walked right into that one, Rogers." He shuts off the screen and gets to work of breaking into the second floor of the hospital building. Somewhere he is positive Romanoff is laughing at him. Her tips along with every other lesson he's gotten since joining SHIELD about how to get around every bit of modern security imaginable pays off.

There is a light tap at the window before it slides open and Steve hussles in with a duffle bag that definitely would not have made it past security. He slides the window shut behind him and looks around. Even the modern version of a hospital makes him deeply uncomfortable. Steve hopes Tony is just high enough to miss his troubled expression before his eyes settle on him.

"Mr. Stark."

He stirs, but his eyes don't crack open until he hears the words. "Ms. Potts..." It's an instant rejoinder to that particular version of his name, but then he sees Steve and his expression brightens. "I can't call you Mr. Rogers. You would look awful in that sweater." Tony points to the chair Rhodey left next to the bed, eyes pleading. He's really here.

Steve cracks a smile in return. He didn't expect to see Stark so happy, but it's kind of nice. "Noted. I'll add that to the list of things to Google." He heads over to the chair and very carefully sets the bag next to him. "So they treating you okay here?"

"Oh, right. You wouldn't know that reference." He snorts, scooting to the edge of his bed so he's as close to Steve as possible. He feels giddy, his heart beating fast. His hand goes to his chest -- it's weird in a way he didn't expect it to be, but he had grown so used to the reactor's constant whir. It's jarring to be without it now. "Sure, I'm good. Pepper went out to smuggle me in real food though. You want something? I can text her."

"Yeah, I look into things any time I'm not at work and it's still not enough." He cants his head to the side. There's not much he can do about that. At the very least he is less defensive about it now. He follows Tony's hand to his chest with a worried frown before shaking his head. "No, I don't want to bother anyone. Besides, I actually came here with stuff for you." He lifts his bag off the ground to gently deposit on the bed. The rest of his comment finally filters in.

"Wait you're still not allowed to bring outside food into hospitals? I thought for sure they'd do away with that." Whoops.

"You brought me stuff?" Tony immediately leans forward to unzip the bag even while his body protests. He grimaces, though he can't actually feel much pain now. "Why would that be bothering her?" She's already out to get food, Steve. Getting more food is not actual effort. Thus why he offered.

"You're staying until she gets back, right? She'll think I was hallucinating if you don't."

He briefly raises a brow in amusement. He's like a kid on Christmas. It's endearing as Hell. "Yep. Talked the lady at the bed and breakfast into letting me use her kitchen for a few hours." Sometimes that idea that he's old fashioned and out of touch pays off. He didn't even know those were a thing out here. Someone found it for him under the assumption he couldn't handle a normal hotel.

Regardless of the how, Tony will find a circular container holding, you guessed it, apple pie. A couple of other are holding apple slices some plain, but others are topped with different things like caramel, cinnamon, and peanut butter. "I might have bought too many apples. It's a learning process." He casually mentions once Tony realizes this is literally apple heaven in a duffle bag.

He hesitates a beat before following up with the rest. "I'll stay as long as you need me to. Like I said I'll be in town for the next two days." After an even longer hesitation, "I'll eat too if you don't mind the company. I'm sure you and Ms. Potts would like your privacy."

"Is this pie? That you made?" His eyes go wide like saucers, studying the tupperware without opening it as he unpacks the rest. This is totally heaven, he can't wait to show Pepper and Rhodey. "You... You really came here. To see me."

It's not getting through his morphine-addled mind. This is really happening. "Can I touch you? Not in a weird way..." Okay, it'll probably be a little weird. He leans over and pokes Steve's arm, then squeezes it. He's even more muscley than he thought he would be. More importantly: he's real. He's not that high. He is super high though...

"Oh yeah. Pepper." He lets go of Steve to grab for his phone and text Pepper to bring more cheeseburgers for Steve (yes really). "Privacy for what? You know I'm disgusting right now, right? There's still a giant hole in my chest and someone comes to drain it every few hours. Totally sexy."

"Yeah, it's my ma's recipe with a couple of tweaks." Apple genes weren't tinkered with during Sarah Rogers time or his among other things that changed the flavor over the decades. Steve nearly explains it before Tony starts poking and feeling up his arm. He decides to take it in stride though he does get a tad defensive at the last part.

"There are different kinds of privacy, Stark." That's all he'll say on that because he's a gentleman. There's also something more important to address anyways. "Is it really that unbelievable that I came? I mean you have a hole in your chest." He gestures to it.

He would have found that interesting actually, but he ends up smiling and nodding at Steve's explication. That makes sense. But he and Pepper get plenty of alone time, they're glued at the hip. Not that Steve would know that, he'd never met the woman. Tony frowns then, why is this such a shocker?

"A: I've always had a hole in my chest and you've never taken an interest before. 2: I didn't even know you still had my number." On account of he'd never used it before now.

"I took an interest while you were unconscious." Steve explains breezily though it is the truth. One of the scariest moments in the battle for him was realizing that he had no idea how to revive Stark because of the arc reactor. It is really dumb luck they got through that moment.

Steve struggles to find a hole in the other point, but honestly he's right. He had no way of knowing he didn't chuck it out or lose it at some point because he never called. "... I never needed to use it before." He grimaces because it sounds terrible. His significant other was kidnapped, his house blew up, etc. But at the time he felt too guilty to speak to him. It's not something he wants to come out and say without some prompting.

That sounds... unlikely. Also creepy af. But because it's Cap, he can't even be mad. Or maybe that's the drugs. "Well, you're saved in my phone now so there's no excuse." For either of them.

"...I'm glad you're here." Tony's gaze softens immeasurably, though he's suddenly feeling tired again. "It's so infuriating not being able to do anything. I know, worth it not walking around with shrapnel in my chest. But goddamn, it sucks." He can't wait to get out of here.

Steve stares at him for a few seconds. It softens his heart significantly to hear that. He never knows where he stands with Tony outside the battlefield. Hearing that is greatly reassuring that this wasn't a mistake.

"I get it. Before the procedure, I'd end up in places like this a lot." He makes a vague gesture around them. "I may not have had any down time between that and being like this-" His hand sweeps over his body. "But, I can tell you big changes tend to be worth it."

He nods, that's why he said it. Of course Cap knows how he feels right now. In general, really. He always fantasized that they would relate off the bat and maybe without the mind stone they would have... Either way, it's not worth dwelling on now.

"So. How the heck are you? What have you been doing?" He knows Steve is in DC working with SHIELD but that's about it. It'd be nice to have a proper update.

"I can't complain." Steve offers up neutrally. He's never great. Who could be under the circumstances? He doesn't want to burden anyone with that so he skips to what's been happening. "I've mostly been catching up on everything. History, technology, modern warfare, music, movies..." He smiles then. He thinks Tony gets the picture. "Every once in a while SHIELD sends out in the middle of nowhere to handle something for them with Romanoff. Mostly I'm just learning everything I can."

"I mean, you could. I can't exactly get up right now." So Steve can say whatever he wants to. He's bored as fuck so he'd listen, too. But he nods along with the rest, catching on the 'handle something' comment, though he lets it slip by for now.

"Are you going chronologically or as things come?" This is really fascinating, but he bites his lip to keep himself from rapid-firing.

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